Saturday, December 7, 2013

Differences of love.

My top three peeves are:

1.  Snoring
2.  Caterpillars
3.  Consecutive, loud sneezing

All three evoke wrath, but snoring has always been the most aggravating.  I hate snoring.  I #@$@#$* hate it.  With that said, a funny thing has happened over the course of this year.

I've made an exception.

When I first started dating M., I was pretty devastated to find out that he was a snorer (just an occasional one, to be fair).  I reconsidered our future together--well, certain aspects of it, like sleeping in separate bedrooms in separate houses...in separate worlds.  When it happened though, to my surprise, it didn't actually bother me all that much.  It kept me up, but in my wake, I dotingly wrote a poem about it.  I likened his snoring to the sound of a tumbled sea through a seashell; a symphony of air.  I realized then, I was in love with the guy because M.'s snoring can actually be really annoying if I think about it objectively.  He does this thing where his snoring gets louder and louder and increasingly more beast-like until he peaks, and then he actually chokes on it and wakes himself up.  It's kind of funny, but a friend told me once that M. might actually have sleep apnea, which is a very serious matter.

Anyway, last night he was snoring again and I didn't write a poem.  I didn't really feel any extremities, positive or negative, and I had been awake for at least an hour after he had fallen asleep with my head nestled against his shoulder.  I just felt warm and comfortable.  His snoring wasn't as inspiring to me as it was a year ago (I may have been infatuated and slightly delusional at the time).  Yes, it definitely is a little inhibiting, but I've always known that, and that's ok.  I didn't want to be anywhere else, even with him wheezing into my ear.

So, I think that's the difference between being in love and actually loving someone.      

Some things can be very simple.


Sunlight melting, river glimpse 
Bodies framed in faded chairs 
Lime and sugar, sprig of mint 
Made the same for fifty years 
An easy silence floating between our two mason jars 

Oh sometimes when you look at me 
I can see that far.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

In my dreams, death assumes the form of an espresso.

Coffee confuses my body.

1.  Somehow it makes me feel wired and tired at the same time, making my heart pound but my brain blurred.

2.  I can't sleep (that's the point, I know), which makes me angry (at myself) because it's self inflicted.

3.  When it's finally ebbed its way out of my system, it leaves me feeling a little less than before.

It's a bad habit you grow comfortable with and have a hard time leaving--kind of like being stuck in a bad relationship, only your coffee doesn't lie to you and it comes in different flavors.  In either case, both leaves a bad taste in your mouth.  Ha ha.

Anyway, I was clean for about two months until I found myself lining up at Starbucks this morning.  I had stayed up late the night before reading Hannibal Rising, which is probably one of the stupidest things I've done in awhile, aside from ordering that cup of coffee today. I don't recommend it (the book).  Halfway through my drink, I started grinding my teeth.  Nausea ensued.  Then finally, regret.

It's been eleven hours since, and I can still feel my blood quake.


Ah, youth.


We're only young and naive still
We require certain skill
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-between
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Oh, Mondays.

There's a certain feeling that lingers after the holidays are over.

Loss.

It still feels like the morning.

Be strong.   

A cheerful and progressive tune for all.


We cut the legs off of our pants
Threw our shoes into the ocean
Sit back and wave through the daylight
Sit back and wave through the daylight.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Holier than thou.

It's a little obnoxious to hear hipsters pointing out how we celebrate Thanksgiving by giving thanks and showing gratitude for all that we have, and yet, spend the next day binge shopping on Black Friday.

Appreciation is a daily thing--if it isn't a regular value in your life, it should be.  

Great sales on the other hand, are occasional and not under your control.  Take advantage of them when they come (in a reasonable and respectful manner, of course).   

Besides.  I was shopping for Christmas--which is what?  A HOLIDAY FOR GIVING.

So suck on that.  


We can understand the sentiment you're saying to us
Oh,
But sensible sells so could you kindly shut up.