Tuesday, December 3, 2013

In my dreams, death assumes the form of an espresso.

Coffee confuses my body.

1.  Somehow it makes me feel wired and tired at the same time, making my heart pound but my brain blurred.

2.  I can't sleep (that's the point, I know), which makes me angry (at myself) because it's self inflicted.

3.  When it's finally ebbed its way out of my system, it leaves me feeling a little less than before.

It's a bad habit you grow comfortable with and have a hard time leaving--kind of like being stuck in a bad relationship, only your coffee doesn't lie to you and it comes in different flavors.  In either case, both leaves a bad taste in your mouth.  Ha ha.

Anyway, I was clean for about two months until I found myself lining up at Starbucks this morning.  I had stayed up late the night before reading Hannibal Rising, which is probably one of the stupidest things I've done in awhile, aside from ordering that cup of coffee today. I don't recommend it (the book).  Halfway through my drink, I started grinding my teeth.  Nausea ensued.  Then finally, regret.

It's been eleven hours since, and I can still feel my blood quake.

Ah, youth.

We're only young and naive still
We require certain skill
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-between
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

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