Sunday, February 9, 2014

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

I wasn't in the most ideal relationship prior to the one that I'm in now.  It was a relationship that had lasted for almost two years and  I had stayed for so long because I had invested so much of myself into him and we had been through so much together.  It was kind of like being hazed.  You develop somewhat of a perverse attachment through all your trials and tribulations.  I didn't leave when I should have because it was my first serious relationship and I had thought to myself midway, it would be too hard to go through this with someone else again.  In the end, we were clearly not meant for each other, and the way it ended was a blessing in disguise.

It wasn't until a couple years after, when I found M., that I realized that I had it all wrong.

It's not supposed to be that hard.

It's not supposed to be that hard to be with someone.  If you fluctuate between anger, sadness and hate most of the time you're in a relationship, that person is not good for you.  With M., love is easy.  I'm not saying our relationship is easy.  We're very different people with very different ways of communicating, so we find ourselves arguing a lot.  But through all our hard times, I never once felt like leaving.  Maybe leaving the room, but never him.  This time around, love is what's constant and that's the way things should be.

In retrospect, it wasn't hard to see that I didn't have a good relationship with myself back then.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
-Stephen Chbosky

As a result, I ended up being in an even worse relationship with someone else because I looked to someone else to develop a sense of value.  I really needed to take time alone and grow on my own to be who I wanted to be as a person.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.”
-Wayne W. Dyer

I guess my advice is to love yourself.  If you're in a relationship that makes you question your worth all the time, you'll never be able to develop your own sense of value.   Once you're there, your true self emerges--and when that happens, someone out there is going to fall in love with who you really are, and not who they want you to be.

I had nothing to lose
and I had nothing to prove
and I was thinking about me and you.

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