Sunday, January 18, 2015


This morning, I woke M up and asked him, "What are we?" genuinely heartbroken and confused.  I had just remembered that not too long ago, during a heated argument, he had snapped and told me that we weren't working out.  That he couldn't deal with me anymore.    

But then how was it that I was still seeing him every weekend for the past month without any indication that anything was wrong?  I shook him againthis time harderand repeated more urgently, "What are we?"

M rolled over and mumbled, "What?"

"We need to talk."

He grunted.

I proceeded to tell him that what he said at the time really hurt me and that I had never had closure over it, and that it wasn't fair to me that we were still acting like we were together even though we weren't because I still had feelings for him.  

He sighed and leaned toward me, resting his forehead on my shoulder.  "What are you talking about?"

"Well, are we together?"

There was a heavy pause.  

"Yes," he said finally.  "Of course we are.  Why wouldn't we be?"

"Don't you remember you broke up with me?"  Suddenly hopeful, I asked, "Was it something you just said in the moment that you didn't mean?" 

He closed his eyes tiredly and said, "That wasn't real."  

"Wait, what do you mean?  I don't understand," I wailed.  "What do you want from me?!"  

He kissed my cheek.  "I want you to go to sleep."  

Then I think he muttered something about me being crazy, slumbering off just as the dawn broke and lit my befuddled mind.

To the ends of the earth would you follow me?
There's a world that was meant for our eyes to see
To the ends of the earth would you follow me?
If you will have a say my goodbyes to me.

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